Hi all,

hope your all ok?

I am having a really tough time at the moment. I'm feeling exhausted all the time and have little energy for sex at night, which is my partners favourite time to have it.

We don't tend to have it in the week, just weekends when we wake up and I feel fresh and full of energy!

He is a young 28 year old with a very high sex drive, he says it's not fair that he can't have sex when he want's, that he can't fantasise about having sex with me anymore as he know's it probably won't happen. He wants to be like a normal couple and come home and have sex after a night out.

I thought it initially was down to me working 10.5hr days & sheer wrk load & arthrtitis playing a part as well as cystitis. Now I have slowed down and doing a part time job, no cystitis and I still feel tired & no sex drive. He now thinks I'm making a whole new load of excuses. My hips don't hurt that often, so it's just down to exhaustion.

His male pride is hurt, he feels unwanted and it's tearing our relationship apart! I feel guilty, he's angry and doesn't understand where I'm coming from & he thinks I don't understand his needs. I feel pressured and miserable and a failure!

How do I get my libido back? Please help, I don't want to loose my boyfriend - feel so trapped in a viscious circle!

(Any Male's thoughts/points of view would also be helpful)

Hello Kal

I remember your previous post and the problems that you've been having and now this ones been added to the pot.......poor you. Sending gentle (((((HUGS))))) here.

I've often thought about this problem with young married couples and how it must affect their marriage. Sex is something that is never really talked about in clinic and I do think it should be. When MTX was added to my drugs, contraception was not mentioned. I did wonder that me being 52 at the time the nurse thought I was too old for all of that or she thought I was well past my sell by date for being able to conceive. Back to being serious now.........

I have been fortunate with my RA and I would say 75% of the time the pain's not been too bad, but like most of us say here, you get use to it and carry on regardless. But when it's been bad and just the effort of getting undressed and then getting into bed is awful the though of any bed time gymnastics is a definite NO NO.

I have found a few links for you, been doing a bit of searching, I hope they help. But I do think you must raise this subject with someone, if it was me I would talk about it to one of my specialist nurses.

http://www.nras.org.uk/a...eumatoid_arthritis.aspx

http://www.arthritiscare...s/Relationshipsemotions

Take Care

Paula x

Hi kal

Can really empathise with the naff libido.

I have pain as well as fatigue but the lack of desire is really a key point.
I have been having some hormonal help....

Now, this is strictly what I've been taking to help me and you might not agree it's right for you but I think it can help to at least look. Whatever you decide, do take advice on what's ok for you personally.

I take steroids for The ra and this has lead to lots of hormonal imbalances going on.
I don't need the pill for contraceptive reasons but the gp has put me on it as my pmt has gone much more noticeable and the hormone surges effect the ra. The other thing is I find that I'm not doing so well on the progesterone side so I'm on the mini pill.

I have found taking some citalpram to help with pmt very handy.

I use this cream in addition to the pill that's got progesterone in it.

The most effective thing I've found beyond that is this oxytocin spray
I've got it from www.oxytocinfactor.com

The people who know me well from this site know how anti potions and herbal whatnot and diets I am but this stuff does seem to really work.
I first got it for our son who has a lot of poor life experiences before his adoption and so lacks the ability to make this happiness hormone, then I read that it helps libido and thought I'd try it.

It's not like before we had our 4 yr old daughter, no. But it's better than it was.
Talking in a supportive place about these things can also help.

I'm 36 so I know what you mean!

Jenni xx